civic duties

they all annoy me. there are two different types of duties. 1. the ones that dont really have any impact on others (social norms)... and 2. the instances that immediately effect someone interacting with you.(ie favors).  the simple instances..,  the number 1s are all arguable (as they truly do not apply to the specific individual in most cases, but moreso the culture in which the individual is currently a part of. there is no consideration for outside variables.. or logic. it just is what it is)... many times these have become pointless as they have loss their significance as a society progresses (or simply didnt mean anything to begin with). and can be simply chalked up as a cultural norm. varying from country to country, region to region: going to church on sundays, "dressing up" for special occasions, taking off a hat while indoors, not showing the soles of your feet, avoiding the use of the left hand in social interactions, using certain silverware for certain tasks at the dinner table... etc. all the cute stuff.

then there are the favors.. the ones that actually matter. the number 2 duties... i dont like these either... but moreso by association as ill explain later. the: waiting patiently for an oblivious j-walker (Josh), holding doors for people (i dont have a problem with helping someone i care about, or a complete stranger for that matter, in fact i highly value this concept... what i dont value is the expectation.. the "duty") maybe im a rebel with no cause.. maybe im childish at times- though i cant help that, considering i was born that way- but all of the expectations and duties are a real put off for me (and maybe even cause me to ignore the good intentions behind the initial act at first (like rushing ahead to open a door for a lady)... its not the actual "requirement" that bothers me. not the act itself. but the attitude that is created because it is an expected duty. i think that when people expect certain things from another individual, they loose some value... the extra effort is no longer as appreciated. however miniscule the task at hand may be.

there is no reason not to help someone in need in a situation that cannot potentially harm you. there is no reason to take that act of kindness for granted.

rich dad poor dad

Is poverty a choice? before i answer that, id like to first ask- what is poverty? there can be many different applications of the word as many different non-tangible aspects of an individuals life can be deemed as impoverished (financially, spiritually, physically, mentally etc). but to avoid this all, and make an all incompencing definition as best as possible. i see poverty as the inability to choose.. the lack of options. the most prevalent view of poverty revolves around the financial  so let us focus on this. i have recently been reading a few books on financial stability and the acquisition of wealth. and after speaking with an advisor of mine in a out of school program- it became very clear to me that in the american society, money = options. and having options equal happiness. it was stressed to me not to view money itself as happiness, but moreso the abundance of options it provides. speaking to this man (a man from the gang riddled streets of chicagos southside who later became a multi-millionaire) who knew both the tales of limitations and abundant options caused me to more appreciate the relationship of happiness and options.

that being said, no poverty is not a choice... its a circumstance  what is a choice, is whether or not you choose to accept and dwell in these circumstances. or fight to overcome them. and i say fight for a reason.

Mal X

The very thing that made Mal X such an influential and effective leader during the civil rights movement are is also the very reason for his downfall. through reading the autobiography, the reader is able to achieve greater insight into who he was as a man... as a very stubborn man. his stubbornness is what made him so influential, so passionate, so susceptible.

i am not saying that his stubbornness is to be admired  nor looked down upon. it was simply his persona. and this persona, with no doubt, changed the outcome of the civil rights movement.

I am not saying this is right, wrong, effective of what have you; but Malcolm X was very driven by his own personal beliefs. So much so, I believe that it may have been beyond difficult for him to see things in ways other than his own- to walk in someone else's shoes. I am even willing to say that the man was stubborn. Now in most instances, I would completely disagree with this approach if two opposing parties are looking to settle a dispute. (A civilized dispute can always be settled through mediation.. but both parties MUST  be willing to at least entertain the viewpoint of that opposing individual. If not, then physical force may be required to force an opponent into submission or eliminate them completely). through his personal experiences, malcolm automatically saw the latter of the two approaches to be the more effective one. though he had many stumbling blocks in his life- whether personal setbacks, or later changes in ideology, he maintained a passion throughout his adult life once he had found a purpose.

MLK

as a society, a country, a world as a whole... i have no idea where exactly we will go. generations of the past have met, and arisen to the challenges of life time and time again. overcoming disease.. wars.. natural disasters.. etc. but as of late, i have realized that, specifically americans, are creating entirely new problems that we will someday have to face. crisises of health, temperament  financial stability, education, etc- all seem to be imminent. mlk dreamed of equality for all. and to this day, this has continued to be only a dream. this dream seems even more unlikely than in the days of the past.. i mean at least then, our problems were clear cut enough. racism, intolerance, illegitimate wars.. etc. but nowadays we have GMO's, cancer, atomic bombs... its like.. well damn.. and yea i know that was sort of broader that what mlk was trying to address directly with equality and all, but even that has fallen off. no one stood up to take his or malcolms place. that whole movement just stopped all together. it is still at a standstill half a century later. and to be honest, not many care anymore. this is what concerns me most. i mean, we can all see this shit (all the problems i mentioned earlier), but we ignore it like the government did the current debt crisis. as if it will just go away.. (were gonna have to repay those trillions of dollars, literally and figuratively) its all gonna come back someday.. thats just how things work.

- it has long fascinated me how human beings can be trained to accept anything (religion/politics), live anyway (ghettos/hoods), become anything (docotor/nazi).. ANYTHING. and live "life" without question.

death in solitude

A man in a dark blue suit... with a red tie... stands beside me... a young lady wearing a pink overcoat with matching gloves is being gently pulled along as she walks a small, but energetic jack-russel terrier in desperate need of a haircut.. both the collar and leash are a vivid royal blue... the tags on the dog's collar make a light jingling noise as they gently clang against each other as the animal prances along with its owner...  several cars quickly pass my face as i stand waiting... a black amg mercedes, two white trucks (one is a pickup with the tailgate let down- full of long silver metal pipes protruding from the rear)... there is a delicate hint of cinnamon in the chilly air coming from a nearby bakery.. the white "walk" sign is now lit and both i and the man in the blue suit begin to cross the street... i take my first step into the street- just as my foot meets   the cold black asphalt of the road- there is a pain within my chest... i collapse, and am unable to move or speak. There are phones ringing, cars have stopped, people are yelling, sirens are heard off in the distance, lights flash, wheels screech... 

I am alone. in the dark of the night. a rice patty field, wet with yesterdays rain... the marshy ground surrounds me. my bare feet enjoy the feel of the cold wet ground. there is a pen of bulls to my right, gently rustling through the tall grass on the edge of the fields. far off in the distance there is a group of shadows moving in unison. it is a pack of wild dogs. they move quickly. all around me crickets rub their legs together singing their songs to their beloveds. a black string suddenly stands upright... its hood flared- revealing the normally hidden gleaming white dots that now shine bright in the moon's light. i hear a staggered collection of howls from ahead of me... one dog, then two, then three... i am no longer still... they notice i have upset him... i have upset nature.. and must pay. with a single strike, that could be missed with a blink... i am now on the ground... convulsing. the cobra watches for a moment, and then slithers away. no phones ring, no sirens sound, no one screams... i am alone.

Although neither one of these instances actually occurred- though my circumstances were very similar to the second example in real life at one point. i felt these two scenarios would be a good example to explain how loneliness can feel. in the second instance, during a period such as this, an individual can realize how very miniscule he is in comparison to the natural world- how unimportant his existence may actually be. As odd as it may sound, I felt a comfort is realizing my unimportance. The concept of death is included to work as a catalyst in coming to this realization- in retrospect, i was able to more comprehend what i had felt that instant through relating it to a deadly situation. For example, if I had died that very instant, not a thing in the natural world would pause to take notice. Perhaps a wild dog may come to sniff the former me, and then calmly walk away with a natural indifference. But in the end, the world would continue to spin, grass would continue to grow, the crickets would continue to sing, and the next day... the sun would continue to shine- and that brought a sense of calm that is difficult to explain.

i am thankful for...

i would have to say that i am thankful for sir robi presley. his nonchalant demeanor and clever under-the-breath remarks can be quite insightful in the most unexpected of times. while delving into the depth of the ideology of existentialism, it was in fact, mr presley who pointed out stephen's new hair cut with the unforgettable "ay bro, nice haircut!" from across the room. it is this attention to detail coupled with his spontaneity, that is almost uncanny. just the other day, mr presley felt an irresistible conviction to share with a random stranger. he later told me of how he was driven to give a piece of fruit (a pomegranate to be exact  to a hungry classmate during 5th period lunch- though the recipient was reportedly not able to catch the fruit in time- i am sure, he was very thankful. after all, it is the thought that counts. it is this kind of unconventional approach that i have come appreciate more deeply in mr robi presley.

i know this has meaning

happiness. happiness has to have a meaning. people spend their entire lives looking for it in its various forms. for each person, there is a different means of achieving this happiness (an outlet if you will). whether it be playing music, drawing, singing dancing, helping others, reading,writing, white-water-rafting, playing basketball... whatever. and unlike all the other uncertain things in life, i know for a fact that happiness has meaning because nothing- absolutely nothing- can replace it. take for example even a man with everything in the world, material riches, power, influence, women etc but lacking an outlet to his true happiness (say loosing the ability to dance the samba after being injured trying to crip walk down mt everest) there will still be very real and a very noticeable void amongst all else. no matter how many cars he can buy, no matter how many females he has, no matter how he may try to fill that void, he will always be reminded that true happiness has a meaning.

-The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.